Times Like This

it's times like this that you start thinking about things that you don't normally think during the day, when you're all caught up with all the mundane things that you have to do everyday. at this kind of hours, the only thing that probably comes up in your head is sleep.

it's at this kind of hours that you start reflecting on what you've done and sometimes how your feel about whatever is going on around you.

now i just feel like im losing passion for some things. particularly losing passion in sports like basketball and ultimate frisbee which i hold dearly to myself. losing passion not because im getting tired after playing for so long or whatever but plainly because i know that it isn't possible for me to train as hard as i want to and even if i did, i would probably wear myself out and can't play anyway.

if i can't train as hard as i want to, i can't be at my best and i happen to be a winner. if i lose knowing that i've done my best, i don't mind. the fact is that i can't be at my best right now and i can't do anything about it for the time being. it is really really depressing and to a certain extend affecting my morale.

i think it's about time i took a break once again to analyse and exercise the options that i have, especially after my medical review this coming monday. hopefully i'll be given some advice that would once again give me back my motivation.

for now, i can only try so hard.