...usually when that happens i find myself acting in the most retarded way that i could possibly be. i'd stop talking, laughing and stuff, basically i'll just become very unfriendly and i would not hesitate to piss you off even if you were jokingly using sarcasm on me..

a lot's been happening these days and it's not really helping, the fact that i've been struggling to find my form in ultimate these 2 weeks and yesterday just blew it off when i totally sucked during pickup up... was so frustrated at myself that i decided to stop playing altogether early into the evening. just couldn't figure out what was wrong with my throws..

i really hate myself when i get into that retarded mood, makes me feel like im not in control of my life and i tend to piss off people around me.. oh brother...

i just realized how much confidence my friends have in me, though mentioning:
"...and NO, I DIDN'T TURN GAY.... shame on you if you thought i was.. wahahah :x",
there were still people who were pressing me to admit that im gay, haha. so to clear the air, i shall make myself clear.. i love women too much to be gay, so please, enough of the gay shit, haha...

was talking to my friends about commissioning ball the other day and i realized that i still have no idea who my date was going to be or where i was going to find one.. so i thought maybe i could try and be a whore and attempt to sell myself here, in my very own backyard, haah.. i can see a poster coming up here real soon, hahah...

anyway, time for me to get back to training..

after getting a swollen foot from a nasty step-in-the-foot during a competitive game of ultimate on sunday, things don't look, or rather, sound too good ever since i got back to camp on sunday...

everytime i walk up the stairs, i hear this "clicking" sound coming from my knee cap, it's so loud that my buddy, sean, asked me what the hell that sound was... at first i thought it was something under my boots or something.. but when an irritation started to come along with it, i realized something was very wrong.

this "clicking" sound is freaking me out, to a point that i actually had a bad dream last night.. dreamt that i actually broke my knee during my final exercise which is due to come next week, if premonitions were true, this is definately not a very good one to have and im just 2 months away from commissioning...

i'm feel like im on the peak of things im doing now.. be it army, physically wise or even ultimate frisbee.. i would be left in pieces if my knee actually gives up on me now.. i've come too far to lose it all :/

.. done something even when you knew that it's wrong, socially out of the norm or simply just unconventional?

i have a feeling im doing it right now... i know it's wrong or even weird to a certain extend, but i just can't help it and it's been quite a while already..

problem with this kind of situation is that you can't really talk to anyone about, if not they'll give you this stunned expression and start asking alot of questions.. but well, i guess, it's just a matter of time before it fades off...

...and NO, I DIDN'T TURN GAY.... shame on you if you thought i was.. wahahah :x

went out shopping with wenyao, qian hui and gen today, mainly to look for evening gowns for the ladies as they needa attend their boyfriends' (wenyao and nigel) commissioning ball in october and did we walk a hell lot today... we went out at like 1330 and i just reached home around 2200.. that's like almost 9 hours of non-stop walking.. haven't done this for a while and it sure is tiring.

i still managed to get myself a g-star shirt @ wisma despite the fact we were shopping for the ladies the whole time and the strangest thing was that i didn't even know that Great Singapore Sale was still on.. haha..

after all the gruelling hours of shopping, gen brought us to this ramen place @ cuppage and i must have say that it's really really good.. here's how the ramen looked like:


oops, looks like we were too late to capture how the ramen looked like...

apart from the ramen being really really good, the place is like the kind of ramen place that you would see on the roadsides of japan, gives you a feeling like you're really there.. according to gen, alot of salary men from japan would visit the place in their shirts and ties eating ramen the authentic way...


looks pretty authentic eh?

on the way back to the mrt station, i noticed something very bizarre...



first it was roti boy, then roti man, now they have ROTI MUM.. looks like it's only a matter of time before the whole family hierachy gets mentioned in this "roti" business.. sometimes shops can be so bizarre...

feeling lazy and lerthagic (L & L) right now, probably because i didn't have enough sleep for this whole week. Reason: being on msn every night talking to people, mostly my ultimate frisbee peeps.. everyone's suddenly online everynight and talking a hell lot.. and because of that, i declare that MSN IS EVIL!! it takes things away from you.. like your sleep, haha... and sometimes it's where all your deep dark secrets are revealed (and you better hope your friend doesn't circulate the log around, haha)

it's amazing how captivating chatrooms are although you don't exactly see how that person is really reacting and stuff, but it just happens that depending on what that person is saying, you can actually visualize, or imagine how that person looks like when they're typing something for you..

i used to not like online chats or even phone calls so much, because i didn't really like the idea of talking to a person without being able to see the look on his/her face.. you know, it's always more intriguing to interact in person (well then again, might not be true when it's applied to certain people)...

reaching the end of this post and im still feeling pretty L & L, i wonder how am i going to play in the (do-or-die)basketball match that im representing my wing in.. sheesh.. so much for msn all week long, haha...

anyway, here's a song that i've been listening to quite a lot these days, really puts some thoughts into me and gets me in the mood (sort of).. the album's really great too.. here's a few verses of the song..

John Legend - Ordinary People

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

once in a while, i'll have this feeling of despair, emptiness and loneliness creeping up on me and it's really something that i've always tried to fight against which proved futile as many times as i tried...

can't seem to gather my thoughts properly to do things and i think it's really showing because my course mates asked why do i look so distracted these 2 weeks which im really trying to find out too as usual..

usually this will go on for a while until something really happy/exciting/special/surprising happens or it'll probably wear off, the feeling, which might cause me to do a few things wrongly or something in the process of having this feeling.. haha...

Friday

because of our outfield exercise in seletar on wednesday, we had to spend thursday and friday doing maintainence on both the weapon and the equipment. this is by far the thing i hate most about coming back from an exercise, you have to clean all the itty gritty stuff and it's irritating as hell. but nothing beats... THE UNROLLED D10 CABLES!!!

for those who are wondering what a D10 cable is, it's basically a thin cable consisting or 3 steel and 4 copper wire used for communication devices in the field... and if not kept properly while packing will cause CABLE HELL!!!


things started from here


then it took a little turn


still can't see the end...


and finally, after 2 hours...

after all the maintainence and stuff, it was finally time to book out and a whole bunch of us headed to china black at night to celebrate justin's birthday. didn't know that the anniversary thingy was still on for black and it was a good thing that we went there early.. the bday boy was kinda late and he ended up queueing for almost 2 hours before going in.. so much for an enjoyable birthday, haha...

some of the guys brought their friends there, the group got bigger and we just couldn't stop having fun.. the 3 bottles of vodka that we opened sure helped us have a bit more fun... haha

Saturday

went to watch fantastic 4 with some of the peeps and i must say that the effects were impressive, although the show was a bit short and short on plot too.. but nonetheless, it's a good show, 4/5 in my view and because of the very HOT jessica alba, i'll give it a 5/5... haha! she seems to be on the big screen alot these days, sin city, fantastic 4 and a new show which it's trailer was showing before the movie yesterday... HOT HOT HOT!

supposed to go to justin's bbq after the movie, but i ended up heading over to nigel's farewell dinner (well, sort of) before he leaves for brunei for his JCC on monday. I can already visualize him being bare to the bones when he comes back from drinking sandy water and eating leaves, too bad we didn't take a photo of him, so we can compare when he comes back, haha...

went to the arcade at ps for a while before we actually went to collect our cars and i saw this photo hunt games that the ladies were playing which was kinda disturbing (at least to me)...


i have a feeling im not thinking too much

bascially all the pictures in the game were like that, some of them were butt naked with only an object covering their dicks.. talk about photohunt being a popular game among the ladies, now we know why.. *snigger*

for a long time, i've been feeling like im physically 21, but my mind is actually aging faster than my body (or at least the way that i think).. feel like i've mellowed out a whole lot even before i entered the army.. sometimes i look at my platoon mates and the practical jokes that they play on each other, i would be like thinking:

"hey, that's what i used to do when i was in secondary school and polytechnic"

but i just can't conjure up interest to join them in the havoc being created in the process, although it's still interesting as hell to watch what was going on...

there was this person whom i met for the first time in a club and we were talking for while but didn't really talk about our age.. when the question came, i asked her to take a shot at my age, she actually thought i was 25 because of the way i talk and stuff.. by the way, the person i was talking to, she's 24.. which comes to my next point

which is the fact that the conversation thing is happening, people my age might find me tasteless and boring while older people, find me easier to converse with, which gives me this very mixed feeling whether it's good to be more mature than my age is or not.. haha..

ps: im not trying to be conscious of my age, im just bored and wanted to write something, haha

had a little time just now so i decided to clean up the songs that i didn't want in my mp3 library.. as i was looking through all the songs that i had in the library, i realized that there are songs that actually reminded me of things from the past.. so i decided to compile them into a playlist to remind me of some of the things that happened last time, haha... here's 10 songs that i actually compiled (not in chronological order):

• 3 Doors Down - Here Without You
• Bon Jovi - All About Loving You
• Coldplay - The Scientist
• Fastball - Out of My Head
• Jamie Cullum - Everlasting Love
• Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
• Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had
• Hoobastank - What Happened To Us?
• Hoobastank - Unaffected
• Jimmy Gnecco - Someone to Die For

there're more songs inside, but im too lazy to put everything in... it actually sounds quite ok for a rojak playlist. until another time, later~

this weekend gave me quite a bit of disappointment and a lot of surprises...

saturday was the league finals for my Ultimate Frisbee League, my team actually made it in and it was pretty shitty since we actually since we won our finals opponent before during the regular league... the match was really intense, a few tempers flared due to some dubious foul calls, but fortunately the spirit of the game that ultimate holds so dearly was still there... i ran so hard during the finals that my thigh actually cramped on me and the thing is, i really can't remember when was the last time i actually had cramps... so can imagine how hard i ran.. haha..

after the match eugene went a little crazy on the beer keg which was on the field, had a little too much and i must say that the man's beer tolerance level is pretty low.. he became very high after like 4 beers and he started talking crap and stuff.. then came along erik waldie, introduced the "keg stand" to us and eugene being high and all, did a massive keg stand and he actually drank so much while being upside down that beer actually came out from his nose... now how sick is that? haha...

after all that nonsense, everyone rushed home and headed down to the league party held at Fluid, Far East Square and this was where all the surprises came to me... during the award presentation, i was shocked that my name was being called the MVP (most valuable award) award and the Dream Team... but seriously, i think that i've been too overrated for both awards.. i still have to work on alot on my game before i truely deserve the award...



after the league party, we actually went to club momo again with almost the same bunch of people (minus derek plus nick and mondster) and something damn idiotic happened... we were at the live band room chilling out again and i happened to be seating beside between rachel and mondster... so it happened that rachel said something, i gave her a playful poke on her face and she gave me a good whack on my arm and mondster from behind of me, poked her face and before i could react, a slap landed on my face... yes, she SLAPPED me... haha.. should see the horror on her face after it happened... rachel, if u're reading this.. im still kinda bitter about the "very heavy touch" on my face, hahah... but the club wasn't that fun yesterday because it was waaaaay too crowded already, we actually left early and it was a good thing for me because...



... i had to go for dim sum again because my sis was treating all of us for her birthday and i really didn't wanna fall sick because of depriving myself of sleep like the other time... once is more than enough for experience sake, haha... anyway, went to this dim sum place in toa payoh called Fortunate Restaurant and it was not bad... comparable to Red Star in chin swee road but probably less variety.. the picture above was an attempt to get a lil arty farty with my phone cam and i guess it didn't really work... haha...

next few weeks are going to be very tiring, 2 more field camps before I AM FREE AND WAITING FOR COMMISSIONING~ MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

was looking through my phone and i realized that i had pictures of all 4 of my coursemates, so i thought that it would be fun if i did a introductory on them...

currently im training to be a weapons system officer (WSO, pronounced "wee-zo") in Air Defence Artillery (ADA) and im being trained in the rapier system and here's who im stuck with for the rest of my NS life...



Name: Wong Jee Khen (chicken)

first of all, i'll have to educate you guys on how to pronounce his name.. it's pronounced as "G-Ken", not "chicken" or anything that sounds like that.. usually people who just know him will call him "chicken" but i guess he got sick of explaining...

he's forever deprived of sleep and looks like he's gonna fall and faint of fatigue.. somehow he thinks that he doesn't have the strength but have the capability, whatever that means.. haha.. but responsible nonetheless



Name: Chua Wenfeng (ganjiong buddy / shit boy)

Jee Khen's "gan jiong" buddy or better known as the shit boy nowadays... used to be damn gan jiong about everything, making us damn stressed because we were pretty much happy doing things at a relaxed pace.. but ever since he got a girlfriend then everything started slowing down (see what love does to u? in this case, it's a positive example, haha...)... he's been shitting alot these days, if he suddenly disappears during mealtime or lesson, he's probably shitting.. hah..



Name: Sean Lim (Moaner/young boy/silverman)

My moaning buddy whose threshold for pain is non-existant.. and to top that off, he moans a hell lot when he's in pain... he'll go like "aahhhh, pain... pAin... PaIn... ahhh...." i had to threaten to cripple his dick to make him stop moaning when his palm had a broken blister... the youngest in our course and constantly under pressure by us since he's the only one that hasn't gotten IPPT gold.. according to jee khen, this boy has no team excellence... haha...



Name: Marco Aw (Vege, holy man, morrocco mole)

this mysterious character is our resident vegan, buddisht and idealist... as much as you are guessing how he looks like, sometimes we really wonder how his thinking process works.. when accused of being an idealist, he will get very defensive and it's always a joy to see how everyone get sucked into a senseless bickering about being idealistic.. probably the fittest guy in our course.. not bad for a vegan eh?




Name: Zhuang Weiliang (injury prone man, not-so-intelligent intel officer)

last but not least it's me... being labelled as the most injury prone man in the course and constantly being teased as trying to be an intelligence officer when im not very intelligent.. haha.. i complain quite a bit about how things are run and my in-your-face approach at telling them things sometimes pisses them off, haha... currently, im carrying a heel spur, 2 fucked knees and a busted ankle... talk about being injury prone, haha... :/

seems like these days i can't get enough sleep on weekends.. this week ain't no exception too..

was at jeff jones' (ultimate player) house warming @ around 9 pm with enrique, stephen, eugene and we were treated to a lot of drinks (2 mini kegs, vodka, JD, wine and god knows how many cans of beer he has) while we waited for the rest of the ultimate peeps to come.. everyone came in around 1015 pm and we started to drink even more when rachel (aka shellfish aka ultimate player aka team mate) started pushing drinks at people while she happily sips hers slowly :/

after that we decided to head to club momo down at central mall and we were very suprised that rachel actually to come along with us, the boys, as she always like to call ask... as for why she likes to call us "boys" instead of "guys", read her blog and do some inference yourselves, it ain't that hard.. haha

was kinda suprised to see that the club is like so crowded all of a sudden and i actually had to queue around 20 mins to get in, seems like more and more people are starting to take notice of the club already...

what's really impressive about this club is that they have this live band room at the end of the club which houses a great band by my standards (and those are good standards, haha..).. stayed on to party til like 5.30 am...

come this morning, with my initial plan of sleeping til 11 am so that at least i'll get like 5 hours of sleep before i head to have lunch with the birthday boy peter at marriot hotel.. but my sleep had to be disrupted 3 times from 9am onwards... so theoritically speaking, i've only had like 3 hrs of sleep...

though i was real tired, luckily the buffet at marriot hotel was damn good, really worth the price ($32.95+++ , yes, it's 3 '+'s)..

n e e d s l e e p t o r e g a i n s a n i t y . . .

heard this song @ club MoMo's live band room and this song really makes me think of some things that i don't really wanna remember.. but here's the chorus of the song anyway:

Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

-- End --