.. i'll probably feeling a little hazy in the head from 2 nights of hardcore boozing in celebration of the end of exams but i'll still be feeling hyped for tonight's clubbing trip to zouk, tomorrow night's dbl O, friday night @ tim's birthday party and saturday's zoukout! it's gonna be helluva week before i go back to work on the 11th.

im gonna clean my room, remove all the notes and books from this semester. finally taking the time to mop my floor (i've only vacuumed my room everyweek for this semester) and cleaning my obscenely dirty ceiling fan. my room will become a much better place to sleep in without the presence of academic aura. it's gonna be a tiring month, but it's all fun and games.

but well, that's only gonna happen a week from now...

for now, i am...

ever tried filling up a hole that you know that you're never going to fill in time but you still have to do it no matter what?

this is how i feel every morning in the past week and trust me, it's not a very nice feeling. to me, there's simply too much stuff to understand in a week and trying to guess what the lecturers are going to whip out of their hats during the exams is just too much of a gamble.

and no, im not moaning that the system is doing unjust to us, i just wished that i spent more time trying to study instead of waiting for the study week and now im experiencing the effect of starting too late.

but then again, sometimes when your lecturer and his notes fail you, where else can you look to?

had some free time earlier in the evening so i decided to do something that i haven't been doing for a while -- interval training.

little did i realize that i actually haven't been doing intervals for like a damn long time. i haven't experience this pain of doing intervals (it's the kind of feeling that makes you want to give up even before you finish).

6 rounds of intervals under 1:20 mins each seem like such a breeze not so long ago but despite my best effort just now, i was only able to muster a 1:25 mins as my fastest time and i came back feeling like i just got knocked down by a bus or something.

totally not fun. i need to run more.

this kind of situation happens to us doesn't it? it's just amusing to see it here. haha

anyway, i've been on a mad rush since last saturday and it seriously isn't fun losing so much sleep when you're losing it over projects and assignments. sounds wrong but it's true. sometimes people seriously need to take more initiative when it comes to work before this kind of things happen. im so glad im having enough sleep again.

exams are in 13 days time and im seriously less than half prepared. considering that i still have to study for 2 more tests for this week before my study week starts on the following monday. i will need a lot of determination to make myself study very hard (which i have never done, thus the kind of results i get. haha) .

dammit and im hungry again. haha.

it's times like this that you start thinking about things that you don't normally think during the day, when you're all caught up with all the mundane things that you have to do everyday. at this kind of hours, the only thing that probably comes up in your head is sleep.

it's at this kind of hours that you start reflecting on what you've done and sometimes how your feel about whatever is going on around you.

now i just feel like im losing passion for some things. particularly losing passion in sports like basketball and ultimate frisbee which i hold dearly to myself. losing passion not because im getting tired after playing for so long or whatever but plainly because i know that it isn't possible for me to train as hard as i want to and even if i did, i would probably wear myself out and can't play anyway.

if i can't train as hard as i want to, i can't be at my best and i happen to be a winner. if i lose knowing that i've done my best, i don't mind. the fact is that i can't be at my best right now and i can't do anything about it for the time being. it is really really depressing and to a certain extend affecting my morale.

i think it's about time i took a break once again to analyse and exercise the options that i have, especially after my medical review this coming monday. hopefully i'll be given some advice that would once again give me back my motivation.

for now, i can only try so hard.

lately i've been trying to figure out why on earth am i feeling tired so easily. after much analysis, i came up with the conclusion that i've been sleeping too much (during the day) not running enough.

i realized i haven't been running/doing push-ups/chin-ups for more than a month already and i'm seriously feeling quite unfit now. think i'll die if someone asks me to run like 5km with him/her.

that's why i've decided to induce a healthy lifestyle starting from today. this is what i have to do everyday:

• take redoxon (vitamin C) every morning after i wash up.
• do either a set of 60 push ups or 3 sets of chin-ups
• sleep less in the afternoon (<2hrs)
• run (every other day)

i think this should get my normal self back on track. being lerthagic is a terrible feeling to wake up to. plus exams are less than a month away. i could use the energy.

26 days to exams!