it's been a real mad rush for the past months and here i am finally, making a post for the first time in 2 months.

was watching the most recent episode of Heroes named "I am Sylar". it showed how after Sylar got a shape shifting ability, he started losing himself as he keeps changing his identity from one to another. i feel like we tend to lose sight of who we really are, we may or may not take a very long time to find ourselves again and pick ourselves up.

when was the last time you actually thought about who you really are?

i find it hard to get emotionally attached to anything -- people, teams, things, events. i don't get particularly excited when some big event that i was involved in planning finishes or runs smoothly when it's suppose to. i just feel like it was the way it was planned to be and it happened. nothing to be excited about. i can stay away from home for months and don't feel home sick although my family is pretty tight.

when i play any sports, i play to win, i go competitive, it's just me. losing just isn't my thing. scoring a point in a game is meaningless unless you win the game and winning the game is pointless if you don't win the whole competition. people always ask me why im so emotionless even after winning a big match, this is exactly why.

im a walking contradiction. i'm not fussy when it comes to food but i love good food and i complain about food that is bad when im eating it. yes, i'll still eat it even when it's bad. i hate procrastination in a person but i procrastinate. i want everything to be perfect, but i overlook details when im not particularly interested in the thing that im working on.

i trust people and i would like to think that people trust me as well. the only way to lose my trust is to doubt or betray it. when i lose trust in someone, the person usually doesn't get it back. grudges are meaningless to me but if it's a matter of betraying my trust, i get very bitter even when everything is over and i just think about it.

i don't judge people and i don't really care if people judge me or not. i am who i am, i will never hide it and show a different facade just to adapt to someone else. if i have to put on a facade everytime, how long am i going to be able to pull it off? the best is to go with the flow, just be myself and let people accept me for who i really am.

so have you started thinking about who you are?

Labels: food for thought